(no subject)

[Filter: Private, in Atsirian]

Is she trying to send me a statement?

I know that she was interested in me. None of it was feigned. She found me unbearably attractive, and my smile melted her heart. Every little girlish part of her fluttered when I looked at her. I am completely certain of that.

What is it that she's playing at like this, with Shadda?

It's not that she's claiming varying preferences, like me, like so many of us. It's an Atsirian thing, isn't it? We're flexible and we're discrete, but that's not what she's doing. After all this time she's spend being actively and publically repulsed by every man who's shown her interest, this is a statement. For her followers? ... or for someone else.

I know her, the spiteful little bitch. She is trying to say something to me, say that she never really cared. She only cares for the feminine touch and never had any need for men. She was toying with me in the way that women do for their amusement. She was never really taken in. It was all a game.

I know she's lying. I felt her shudder against me when I kissed her.

But what will others think? How many know that she courted me, in Cleraine? Is this a statement about my suitability? Will she attempt to damage my chances at the throne?

Or is she just flaunting? The way she's showboating around with the girl on her arm every time she's seen in public now, it's --

-- I won't let her get to me. That's for weaker men, men who let themselves be strung along by these games. We're ruled by our tempers and our passions, that's what they say about us, and I refuse to be that.

I'm going to be a King, I'll be more than her and I'll be better. It doesn't matter. None of it matters.